Here again I'm sitting alone in the dark, wondering about a lot of things floating through my mind. I think the last few years were not productive in a sense, but were a lot in another. I was not productive talking about my school path, or about growing and practicing some of my passions as drawing or dancing, but for sure something I'm proud of is the way I've got closer to myself. I surely still don't know myself 100% (and don't know everything else besides myself, I mean many other things existing in the world that could influence me) but I'm certain I discovered many things belonging to the real me. I understood what I want to become, or better "the way to go", I understood my potentialities, I understood what I really like (my music taste, my fashion taste and so on), and most importantly I understood I want to be more secure of myself and of what I love to do. I'm not afraid to show anything I like and no one can prevent me from doing it, not even my saddest moments can. I'm very weak on one side but also very strong and determinate on the other side.
I know a lot of people who don't express the way they really are and what they like as wished by someone else. And this is something sick I'm saddened for. I want people to truly be themselves and not be stopped by ignorance or prejudices of other people.
More than "passions and styles", I know people that really don't want to front their emotions, their real being, just because it is common to think that depression and negative feelings are related only to "mentally ill people", or because they want to convince theirselves or they want to be convinced from others that "everything's okay, you can't feel that way bc u know there r people going through worse things than u so don't be that selfish".....
Every emotion has his work on our being, every feeling will make us grow, and not only the good ones will. I really don't understand why when we think about emotions it comes up first to think always about the best positive ones like those "not good" should not be considered. I think every emotion is important. And sometimes the most painful ones are those that really make a change into us, that really make us THINK and to have an examination of conscience, to take decisions and lead us to know ourselves more deeply. All this talk just to say that some people may be the good scholars that teachers adore, look up to and believe in, and I'm not one of them, but for sure I did a great work on myself and so I don't think I completely have wasted my time or used it in a wrong way. I'm probably misunderstood from many people but I'm not misunderstood from myself. I dont' do anymore things I don't like just for the pleasure of others. I don't want to think or feel in a way not belonging to me for the pleasure of someone else. Those people not expressing their real themselves are the ones wasting time. Because no one will ever give them back those lost days.
I don't like fake people. More than "fake people" to me or to others, I'm talking about "fake people" that are fake to themselves. It's sad. Please, start to know yourself.
